超级评审团毒舌点评13封真实英文开发信，看看你有没有中招（一）

VP Go-to-Market, Openview Partners

I can’t actually tell what this person is selling from the email. Assuming you are trying to replace Marketo, why bring up another competitor like Eloqua?

其实我无法从邮件中看出这个人在卖什么。假设你是想取代Marketo，为什么还要提出另一个竞争对手，比如Eloqua？

Nicolette Mullenix 

Director of Sales Development, DynamicSignal

This email talks about another company entirely rather. Your emails should tell a story about your customers and how people in my position from those companies benefit from your solution.

这封邮件完全是在谈论另一家公司。你的邮件应该讲述一个关于你客户的故事，以及这些公司中处于我这个位置的人如何从你的解决方案中获益。

03 第三个开发信案例分享

Ralph Barsi 

Sr. Director Sales Development, ServiceNow

The title “Director of Sales” implies that you understand how to prospect. Therefore, represent the title well. Don’t “come across” people and their businesses, as if you weren’t looking for them, but, “Hey, there they are!” Asking Jon at the end of the email if he’s the right person is YOUR responsibility, not his. Do a quick search on LinkedIn.

“销售总监 “这个头衔暗示着你懂得如何去做潜在客户。因此要把这个头衔表现好，所以你要去刻意搜寻客户，而不是随意地碰到客户。在邮件末尾问Jon是否是合适的人，是你的责任，而不是他的责任，你可以在LinkedIn上快速搜索一下。

Ray Carroll 

VP of Sales, Engagio

If someone writes “plug and play” in an email to me it’s automate delete – too cliché.

如果有人在邮件中写上 “即插即用”，对我来说就是直接删除，太老套了。

Josh Hill 

Sr. Manager of Demand Generation, RingCentral

It’s a very sensitive issue for a firm. Most firms use Quicken or other tools and it’s pretty presumptuous to approach in this way.

对于一个公司来说，这是一个非常敏感的问题。大多数公司都使用Quicken或其他工具，以这种方式来处理是非常冒昧的。

Heather Morgan 

CEO, SalesFolk

This subject line is lame and boring, and this tactic has been used to death.

No one cares that you “did research,” and just saying that is not nearly the same as demonstrating it. The email is feature-focused rather than benefit driven, making it especially boring and weak. This email is like a Frankenstein of cheap and lazy email tactics.

这个主题词很蹩脚，也很无聊，这种策略已经被用烂了。

没有人关心你 “做了研究”，只说这句话和展示这句话是不一样的。这封邮件以功能为中心，而不是以利益为导向，使它特别无聊和软弱。这封邮件采用的是廉价和懒惰的邮件策略。

David Dulany 

Founder & CEO, Tenbound

Jon has nothing to do with this function, unless maybe he’s CEO of a two-person company. With a little more digging, the sender could have found that right person, who may be open to the message.

乔恩跟这个功能没有任何关系，除非他可能是一家两人公司的CEO。只要再挖掘一下，发件人就能找到那个合适的人，他可能会对这个消息持开放态度。

Blake Harber 

Director of Sales Development, LucidCharts

Are you really interested in learning more about each other? I’m never a big fan of the “cover up”. Call it how it is. Be specific as to what you really want.

你真的有兴趣去多了解对方吗？我向来不喜欢 “掩耳盗铃”。具体地表达你真正想要的是什么。

Liz Cain 

VP Go-to-Market, Openview Partners

The opening line is weak and comes off as a bulk email. What research were you doing? What made you reach out to me?

开场白很弱，显得像一封批量邮件。你在做什么研究？是什么让你主动联系我？

未完待续…（来源：红板砖开发信）

以上内容属作者个人观点，不代表立场！本文经原作者授权转载，转载需经原作者授权同意。

原标题：超级评审团毒舌点评13封真实英文开发信，看看你有没有中招（一）

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